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Male crisis

by marsha
(new york city)

My husband is 33 and we have been married for almost 5 years and have a 3 year old daughter. we have been together for 12 years before getting married. he tells me that he has been thinking about separating for almost 1 year now and has been unhappy for the past couple of months. interestingly a couple months ago we were planning on having another child. i ask him if there is someone else and he says no. he goes to work on time, comes home on time, does not spend secretive time on the phone and barely uses the computer. he sits and watches tv and then goes to sleep. i asked him what caused that reaction and he says when it comes up he will tell me. so i am at a loss about what is going on. he has a great job in a great company - in a high position for his age. he said we both have to work on things but he does not know what will happen in the near future. so what does that mean - he will leave in the near future. he says nothing and i do not know how to treat with him - i don't even know what to tell him. he has confused me and i am really stressed. do you think it could be a crisis that he is going through?

Noel's response

It could be a crisis, or at least a transition. He may not know what he is looking for in his life. If he is willing, I recommend marriage counseling to help the two of you talk about the issues in your relationship.
As to how to treat him, I suggest you treat him with respect, but do not 'kowtow' or try to please him, hoping it will help. Walking on egg shells, or trying to be overly pleasing to him will likely make the situation worse.

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