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Men depression and feeling guilty, because he will like to live his 35 year marriage

by Solemio Gutierrez
(Chula Vista, CA USA )

He got married to a virgin and so was he, we had the perfect marriage until the wife got sick and critical ill for many years, ( she is better). he has diabetics Afib and elevated blood pressure, and depression, all were under control with meds.

Six years ago he had a short escapade with a 25 year old lady, he fell in love with her and with no plans came home and say he was leaving his family.

The wife was very ill and she ask him not to leave her. Well that same day the lady friend text him and told him she was done with him that she was still in love with her husband.

Ever since wife has been recovering ok and they have try to fix the marriage, some days are ok but last month he told her he was done and he will like to be alone, that she is a super wife, that he loves her and will never take away her health insurance and financial support but he doesn't want to get a divorce .

She is very sad and is hard for her to trust him because he will probably just get with some other women (young) and she will be like to get married and the wife will be left ill and destitute.

Well he is on treatment for severe depression and is also talking to a therapist.
The wife is super supportive and is helping him with all she can and more, the psychiatry M.D. Recommends to not leave the wife, until he is better, and will be able to make a honorable decision.

Do you think this marriage has a chance of surviving this depression ?

Noel's response

I suggest you take the therapist's advice and do not leave your wife now. I also suggest that you make sure you eat a healthy diet (little or now processed foods, very little sugar, etc.) and begin to do regular exercise, if you are not already doing these things. There is lots of research to show that a good diet and especially regular exercise (make sure it is not too strenuous. Walking for up to an hour a day is a very good exercise routine) can be just as effective in dealing with depression as medications.

The depression will pass in time. I hope the therapist is not only giving you medication, but helping you explore the reasons for your depression.

When you a through the depression, I strongly suggest marriage counseling to help you and your wife rebuild trust, and re-establish a good relationship. Keep in mind that the two of you chose each other for good reasons many years ago.

If you find a new woman to be with, you will likely discover (after the 'honeymoon period' is over) that you have the same problems in that relationship as in your marriage. The 'problem' is inside you, not with a woman.

Hang in there.

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