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Mess after deployment

by Lilly

My husband recently returned from a year in Afghanistan. His blood pressure was out of control the first couple of months, and he really went off on our 17 year old daughter about a very small thing. That ended up snowballing when I tried to get him to stop, that it was enough. I ended up saying if he did not like things I could leave. This was after we had went to his mother's for a week, and we (he) spent some time around a high school female friend who was also in the area visiting.

After a very stressful change (the argument was at the beginning of this change) of me going to school to drive truck with him, he said he was giving me the room to decide what makes me happy, and that our marriage is on a back burner at this time. Sex has not been the same since his return, it's like it has to be fast and rough for him to be able to. He talks to his HS friend all the time and they text a lot, but he deletes them. We are currently driving together, and he has said that I should get my own account so I can "see how much I am making". The signals are so mixed, I just don't know what to think. He says he isn't going anywhere. What do you think?

Noel's response

I suspect he has some post traumatic stress disorder that he could use some treatment for, even if he was not risking his life on patrols every day. From all I have heard, Afghanistan is a very tough country to be a foreign military member in.

He may also be going through 're-entry stress', after being gone for so long under such foreign conditions.

If he says he is not going anywhere, I would take him at his word, and treat him as though you expect him to be with you for a long time.

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