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Mid Life Crisis? How can We be Happy Together again?

by Natasha

I have a boyfriend of 4 years. He just told me he is breaking up with me. He didn't say "break up" because he feels I am still so wonderful but he said he cannot continue with the relationship also. So I guess it's break up? He told me he feels he's going through some form of crisis. In fact I already suspected 2 years plus ago that he had this problem. I was just not bright enough to really see it in depth and took it seriously from there. He's happy but also quick to feel unhappy with many many things in life. But he's doing well financially. In good health. Gone through a lot of personal development. So it is very confusing to me.

We fight a lot about small issues. I was the one who started most of the small fights. Because I couldn't understand why he's not happy? Am I not good enough for him? I am an attractive woman. So why? His libido also went downhill. The constant little fights that we had, had contributed to this break-up. I feel responsible for starting this little disagreements/fights. I believe I was fighting for his attention. He is an honest person, no cheating, I know for a fact.

We had a great time earlier in our relationship. We fit perfectly well. He's a nice guy. But I wish he could be happier, same as before, but he can't. Why? He's about to turn 40. Same as me. I wanted marriage but he is afraid because of all our fights. I wish he could be less scared, then I am sure our fights will also become minimal. I think I did a lot of mistakes handling this since long ago. I shouldn't have caused all this little unnecessary fights. Now, I would like your help is to advise me, Can I Win Him Back and We be Happy Together again?? What should I do?? He is in another country. I am thinking to go and see him. How long should I wait to go and see him? One week? Two weeks? Or one month?? Would I be able to win him back?

Please help clear my confused mind.

Noel's response:

You mention a lot of 'little' fights, but in my experience, 'small' things (such as 'little' fights, often have a big emotional impact.

He may be going through a difficult midlife transition, which is very common at age 40, and simply be trying to sort things out in his life.

I suggest you look deeply into your own behavior, and perhaps get some counseling to help figure out why you find it necessary to start all these 'little fights'.

As far as going to visit him, you don't mention how long he will be away, but perhaps you could call him and see whether and when he wants you to visit.

His midlife transition will end in time (from a few months to a few years), but winning him back can depend a lot on what you do to change you need to have a lot of little fights.

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