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midlife crisis and avoiding divorce

I believe my husband is going to a mid-life crisis and wants out of our 20 year marriage.

He says he's not "in love" with me anymore. He wants someone he desires to hug, kiss, smell their perfume and get that "ah" feeling from. He claims he hasn't been happy in years - which is not completely true. On vacation (up until this past summer), we were in honeymoon mode.

I also know he has been keeping company with his secretary.

Is there any hope of saving my marriage and my family? The minute there is any relationship talk or a reassurance of love, it seems to push him further away. He says he feels suffocated and just wants to move on.

I'm slowly separating myself and my feeling for him. I caught him in several lies, and until this occurred we had a solid, honest relationship. I no longer see the man I fell in love with, but I still believe this is not him acting rationally. And I'm trying desperately to keep my family together.

Noel's response

You may well be right that he is in a midlife transition. I have often heard of other men who say they 'haven't been happy in their marriage for a long time', but their wives are sure they were.

If you have been 'pursuing' him in order to keep your marriage together, it may be working the opposite to what you desire. Your decision to slowly separate yourself from him is probably the most helpful, and possibly least painful for you in the long run, although there is no guarantee your marriage will survive no matter what approach you take.

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