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Midlife Crisis at Age 32!?

A year ago my husband and I had a big argument and went thru a rough patch in our marriage. Since then we decided that we wanted to work on our marriage. I was very very happy in our marriage. We fought over little things here and there but never anything I though that would break us. We sold our condo and rented a place in order to start looking to buy a house, got pregnant with baby number two and spent a great baby moon together where we were totally devoted to each other. When we came back my husband started to withdraw. It was right before his 32 birthday. He told me I shouldn't care if we will celebrate it together since its his birthday and not mine. He started to not come home at night, working extra long hours (he has several business so at times it was warranted), constantly being on his phone, not having anything for dinner I make and saying things like "I will not sleep in the same bed with you". A few weeks later I found out that he was texting his much younger co-worker and spending time with her on the phone and out at bars. She is 9 years younger than him, while I was at home three months pregnant and with our toddler. Out of anger I put all of his things in bags and told him to leave. So he did. Since then I have asked him to come back and asked him to go to therapy and he refuses. He says that we need to divorce. He has since rented a very expensive apt, is openly dating his aforementioned co-worker, takes her to fancy dinners, buys her whatever she wants and takes her on vacations. He also goes out almost every night and spends time with less than successful people from high school, basically anyone that will go out, while I am a month from my due date. He tells me we will never be together and that I'm crazy for thinking he would ever want to reconcile with me. He says he wants to be happy and in time I will see that us not being together is the best thing that can happen. Is he in a midlife crisis or did he just check out for good?

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Jun 10, 2016
MLC at age 32?
by: NWF

Hello, In brief, he is too young for a midlife crisis...perhaps a quarter life crisis as Noel suggests. You said that he is busy with work and that causes stress as well as the stress he is feeling from another baby arriving soon. I do believe this will pass but first you have to let him go for now. No begging, relationship talk, MLC talk, or talk of reconciliation. You cannot control what he is going thru right now so just tell him that you love him, one time only, and try to deal with him as a neighbor...pleasant but detached. Put no more pressure on him that he does not already feel himself. This has nothing to do with you and is not your fault. In time, I believe, he will see the light and find no more fun with his young is not his life that he was used to.

He may try to tell you to find another man or simply live your life without him in it any longer. Do not argue with not believe him either and do not find another man as he wants. He will be in denial of his bad actions and try to project his feelings onto you. Listen to what he says and just say: Hmm, I see but I also see things differently than you do and that is OK too...then walk away. Do not tell him he is wrong (and you are right)or everything you are thinking about. Leave him guessing.

Do stay in contact about the children though but keep boundaries as to when he can see them...a proper visiting schedule. He cannot come and go as he chooses until he chooses to stop his antics and show you proper remorse. Period!

If this continues, I would not mention divorce or give him any ideas but I would look into a lawyer about a separation with financial plans for you and the kids and visiting schedule. The separation will also protect you financially so that you are not responsible for his bad spending and running up large bills. Get your own credit card and bank accounts and get your name off of his. This is very important to protect your financial future from matter if he returns or not. Returns take time...sorry to say that. Try to detach as much as possible and take care of you and the children right now. That is all you can do right now. He is lost and stressed and looking to relieve that stress any way he can right now. The girl is only his temporary band aid for now, hopefully Pay her no attention but do not let her into your life or the kids life.

Check out MLC info on: midlifecrisismarriageafvocate web site. There are many articles there for good reading and information.

Hugs to you! Most people will not understand MLC or QMC so try to find a trusted friend and hold on tightly. This is what they call the roller coaster of an emotional don't want to ride his emotional roller will drive you bonkers. Let him go and no pressure, he feels enough right now.


Jun 09, 2016

by: Noel

It may be that he is in a midlife crisis, but it also could be he doesn't want to face the work of being in a marriage/family situation where he has to do the work of being a father/husband. It is more fun going on dates and living the fun life.

My suggestion is that you see a lawyer right away and protect yourself as financially as much as possible. Here is just one of many sites with helpful information:

In Daniel Levinson's book "Seasons of a Man's Life" he mentions that we go through transitions about every ten years, and if we do not accomplish the tasks of one transition, the next may be difficult. Perhaps that is what your husband is experiencing.

All the best to you,

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