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Midlife man back with ex

by Kaya
(Cape Town, South Africa)

The Question

All the symptoms are pointing that my husband is in midlife crisis.

He did a lot of things difficult to explain. He does not want me in his life, and says I am the cause of the pain he is going through.

I left him in because of abuse and accusations in September 2008. He decided to go back to his ex-wife who divorced with him in 2002. We are in the process of divorce and he is staying with her and their kids.

My question is: do changes done by someone in midlife crisis last? I believe that he needs therapy and I tried my best to tell him but instead he is blaming me for all the pain he is going through. I have a child with him which he does not want. I am worried will he ever come to his senses.

We were ok until he started to say bad things to me, such as 'I dont love you anymore', 'I wish I could restart everything', 'I regret marrying you', 'I dont know what I want in life', 'you are not the right person for me', etc.

Is there and end to this? He is making a lot of major changes.

Noel's response

No matter what the situation, it too shall pass, so yes, there is an end to it. What the outcome will be is hard to say.

It may be that when he gets through the midlife crisis, he may stay with his ex-wife. You did not mention your age or his, but if he is in his fifties, me may have been in a midlife transition when he and his ex-wife split up, and he may have married you 'on the rebound'.

He may also simply be immature, and although he will come out of this midlife crisis, if he does not do something to change himself, he will always blame whoever he is with for his problems, as he thinks his happiness is caused by others in his life, rather than his own internal life.

You might be better of without him.

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