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Moderate to Severe Depression & my wife

by CC
(Dayton, Ohio, USA)

I'm 56 and on medical retirement, I had an upper C-4,5,6 Spinal Fusion 7 years ago. I cry, and want my wife home with me as much as possible. She has stayed home (on unpaid FMLA) with me several times. The main problem is, my wife seems to get angry at me, stonewalls me, avoids conversation when I'm really depressed or crying. I have a Psychiatrist, he say's women sometimes do get angry or avoid depressed husbands. I was a police officer, friendly and well liked by the community, but I had to quit my job due to chronic pain. My wife didn't want me to go back to police work. Is this true? Do some wives get angry at depressed husbands? If so, why? She's always been shy and a bit anti social. HELP, why does she raise her voice and ignore me when I cry? I thought people expressed empathy when others were down ? Her anger/stonewalling is killing me.

Noel's response

Many people are uncomfortable when others express strong emotions, as they feel they should be able to do something about it and they can't. This may be why she gets angry with you.

Another reason might be that she feels guilty, which can lead to feeling angry, about being impatient with your depression and crying. Our society says we should look after loved ones (with either emotional or physical ailments) with a cheerful heart, but that is very difficult for most people. The result can be guilt and/or anger at being put in that situation.

If she were willing to go to counseling with you, it might help.

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