Use this search feature to quickly find the information you're looking for.

My 48 Year Old boyfriend is pushing me away AGAIN!

by Katherine

The Question

Hi, I am a 42 year old divorced mother of 3 beautiful children...23, 13 & 10 years of age. I was married for almost 14 years.

In November of last year I met a wonderful man who came out of nowhere. He was a friend of a friend and swept me off my feet. I began dating him at the end of October, a week before my Mom passed away. Saw him sporadically over the course of a few weeks. He was charming, funny, handsome, successful, loving & caring. Has no children and was married for about 3 years to a woman 10 years his junior in his thirties. All of what I was looking for; almost too good to be true.

Well eventually I saw he was spending more and more time alone with me and not bringing me around our mutual friends. I began to see he was jealous. Then I began to see patterns of his insecurities and lack of trust. He would break up with me every 2 to 3 weeks depending on what his mood was and I like a FOOL kept going back. He was generous to my children and I and when in a normal state of mind was a joy to be with. I discovered he was also using cocaine quite a bit and I will admit at times we would do it together on weekends.

For the past 4 months he has not made any effort to spend time with me even knowing that my children were with their father for the weekends. I also must add he definitely is bi-polar and a narcissist in the truest form.

I am heartbroken most of the time cause when he's good., he's great and I find myself thinking back to the way he at first fawned over me. I'm thinking his drug use and mental instability have escalated to the point of no return and I have allowed myself to be his crutch in times of need. I feel betrayed, lost, alone and crushed by his lack of heart. He constantly says for me to leave him because it is "only going to get worse" yet I find myself needing to know the answers to my "questions".

Please tell me what to do I am heartbroken and so very sad. Why cant I let go of the chaos?

Noel's response

When he tells you "it will only get worse", he is right. He is an addict. I don't know what your 'questions' are, but I can guarantee you will not get straight answers from him.

You might find the book Smart Women, Foolish Choices useful, and I also strongly suggest you go to a few meetings of a twelve step group such as Co-dependents Anonymous, as it is a given that if you are attracted to an addict, you are a codependent.

I hope you take this recommendation to heart, because if you continue with this man, you can expect nothing but the same kind of pain and chaos you are already experiencing.

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Ask Noel.