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My dad - clearly having midlife crisis and refuses help

by Annette
(Brisbane, QLD, Australia)

My dad finally told me that he was feeling stale and numb and not sure if hes in love with my mum anymore - after 28 years of marriage - now - 3 months later, my mum finds out that he kissed another woman and has been texting sexy messages to her and all - even talking about my mum being home and that's why he cant talk to her.

i was told tonight and he could barely look at any of us.

he said that hes numb and feels nothing. no remorse. so sadness. so regret. just nothing.
he's like a shell of a man who refuses to get help - how much does have to loose before he realizes hes not well?

im completely shattered. he's the man who is supposed to teach me how a man is meant to treat a woman - what is this teaching me? i had to have a break down and beg before he would look at me let alone get off his ass and give me a hug - please help!

Noel's response

It sounds as though your Dad does have the classic symptoms of a midlife transition. Perhaps if you show him this website he will see himself, and realize, at least, that he is not alone! (Most men going through it think they are the only ones it's happening to, and they just have to 'tough it out'.
Hang in there with him, let him know you love him, and when you want a hug, keep telling him to get off his duff and give you one!
And know that this too shall pass.

Comments for My dad - clearly having midlife crisis and refuses help

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Feb 27, 2012
Numb Dad
by: Anonymous

How can he possibly even think of saying he feels numb. u hate men who go with a younger woman just to please their dumb numbness.After many many years of marriage. Many of you men need to learn that you need to consider your wives and family. i hate watching men make total utter fools of themselves. Numbness well knowing his wife she is so loving and caring she will get him through this stupid crisis.

Feb 13, 2012
Capitol Punishment
by: Anonymous

I was in the same situation in 2005. My mom was passive, pleaded, and begged. She even said it's ok for him to have a mistress and nothing came of it. One thing I know about mid life crisis men, they don't have the balls to leave their family unless they're already in a fully committed relationship with a younger woman. I see it a lot, not just with my dad. I'm telling you, your dad already has found someone and if I'm wrong, you're not looking hard enough. Give him a good hard kick to the jewels when he doesn't expect it. I'm a person of principle, you don't leave someone after 25 years because your "numb". You may not be able to save your parents marriage but, you can look back at least and say at least for that moment I kicked him in the balls, he's physically experiencing the emotional hurt that he caused you. Make sure it's a good one.

Feb 10, 2012
by: Annette

He's now made the decision to move out of their house and board with different friends for a while. he said he just feels numb and can recognise that something is happening. he's encouraging mum to date again. and i'm unsure if i'm supposed to support him wanting to leave and give mum space?

What's the best way to support both of them?

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