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My husband is 34 and says he is confused and needs time to think

My husband is 34 years old, and approximately three weeks ago he told me he is confused and needs space to think. He says he doesn't know what he wants. We have been married for 9 years. He says he still loves me but is not in love with me anymore. He says he is not as attracted to me as he used to be.


My husband will not go to a marriage counselor with me. He said he will see an individual counselor, but doesn't have an appointment yet. He moved out and is living with his sister.

I love my husband very much and just want to seek help and try again. I read somewhere that men have hormonal changes at midlife just like women do and that contributes to their feelings of confusion and mood swings.

Is that true and does it sound like he is going through a midlife crisis? What can I do to help him through this?

Noel's response

Men in general do not have the tremendous hormone changes that women do during menopause. There is a slight drop in testosterone. There are details here: Male Midlife Sex.

Men, however often do go through major midlife emotional and spiritual changes, which it sounds as though your husband might be experiencing.

The difference between men and women during this time is that women often look within to see how they might be 'failing', while men look outside of themselves, thinking their happiness depends on others around them. Men are often depressed during midlife transitions, but neither they nor their doctors recognize the symptoms. More details here: Midlife depression.

Comments for My husband is 34 and says he is confused and needs time to think

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May 29, 2018
I'm going through this right now!
by: Rachael

He works away for 4 months at a time came home was home 3 days and I hugged and kissed him and asked what was going on ... his reply killed me!! He said i dont know baby im just notbhappy anymore, i love you and i don't want to hurt you. As he left to go to this brothers he hugged me said all i need is a couple of days to clear my head . It's been 6 now, he reads but doesn't reply to my messages not that I've sent him loads just a couple saying I hope he's ok and I will wait and that I won't message anymore. During the well 2 and a half days home we were intimate 4 times out sex life is great infact amazing I'm just at a loss .

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