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My husband says he is not cheating but has not touched me in 9 years.

by Nonny
(Toledo,OH USA)

I have been married for over 30 years. The first 20 I don't think there was a day we didn't have sex, I never said no to him. We bought a new house and our bedroom door didn't have a lock and I ask to wait until we had a lock before we had sex as we have 5 kids. I need privacy around the children. Now he has not even kissed me in 9 years. He threw me out of the room and I have been sleeping in a chair for 9 years. He lets the kids sleep with him which was a rule, no kids in our bed. He has hidden our money taken my car away so I am home bound and swears he is not cheating, I keep finding new packs of Viagra. He says he uses it to masturbate because he can't get an erection. He is a Doctor and he said he would never cheat because they would just want his money. Our kids are almost grown and I am afraid he is going to leave me with nothing. I have no family. I sit alone day after day. I am sick with MS he won't take me to the doctor. I am now stuck upstairs because of the pain in my legs. My name is on nothing but was bought during marriage. He hides everything, I'm scared I will die alone homeless. What can I do?

Noel's response

He sounds cruel and abusive. I suggest you see a lawyer, and start taking action to secure some of the assets. As a spouse, you have a right to a share of the assets accumulated during your marriage.
If you do not take some kind of action, you MAY die alone and homeless!

Comments for My husband says he is not cheating but has not touched me in 9 years.

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Jan 26, 2014
46 years without
by: Amy

The title is correct, I still count years but I use to count days not any more. My husband lost interest in my the day after our wedding. We had sex once, and that was the only time in our lives. He ranted for hours how horrible sex was, I don't know what he was comparing it to. He was babbling on and on, disgusting, gross, smelly, messy, waste of his personal time, no meaning and couldn't understand how two people could do something so vile, just the thought made want to puke. He moved all his stuff and him to the basement and worked on the midnight shift for over 40 years. He worked all weekends, holiday, and even all his vacation time so he wouldn't have to be home with me. I no longer care about sex, him and all men in general. If they vanished tomorrow I would help them disappear.

Mar 02, 2012
concerns not mentioned
by: Anonymous

I have some concerns not mentioned in your post. You said, in passing, that he threw you out of the bedroom nine years ago, and has been sleeping with your children, at different times ever since. I think that he has been up to no good with the kids. If he has threatened them, or if he bribes them with money and gifts, they probably won't talk about it. To me, it sounds like he has all the power in the household, and I would suspect that he has trained your children to have little to no respect for you. This would also help to isolate the kids from you if he has been abusing them. It is absolutely abusive for any man to have his wife, who is sick with MS, sleep in a chair for nine years, much less a doctor. You need to take action now. I hate to be dramatic about it, but look at all the guys who kill their wives, who had previously acted like good husbands.

Feb 07, 2012
No sex in 9 years.
by: NWF

If you can't get to the doctor by yourself, tell the doctor. They have vans to transport disabled people back and forth. This is abusive to you and you can call an abuse center about this. They will help also. Call an attorney and start a legal separation or divorce so as to get your car back and protect yourself and your assets. Noel is right, half of everything is yours and he will have to divulge his assets that he is hiding from you during the legal proceeding. He has to provide you with the "manner in which you are accustomed to living". You can call a legal agency for pro Bono help if you cannot afford a GOOD FAMILY MATTERS lawyer. You are being abused and you need help NOW!

My heart goes out to you. Why did you wait so long to ask for help??

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