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my method for handling his anger

by insecure

I commented on another aspect of this topic.. but here's my take... we as women KNOW what this is, yet we are constantly asking WHY THE ANGER???... my question is DOES CHANGING THE GAME work??? like for instance, what if your lucky enough to have spotted it when it started, from the beginning... and you know what it is... is there a less hurtful way for us to ride it out??? .. like I've been going thru it for the past 5 months now, he's been confronted with it, and was like "really? is that what this is?" .. and he's been pretty receptive, and has calmed down with the negativity thus far... just can't seem to get him to let go of the girl friend he reconnected with 5 MONTHS AGO!! yeah, how convenient! .. so i'm taking the approach of making sure he's happy... and it seems to help a bit, however, my question still remains...HOW IN THE HELL TO MAKE IT LESS PAINFUL FOR ME!!!!! ...cuz you can't tell them how YOUR feeling, they just roll the eyes and get pissed! ... PLEASE help with this one.. suggesstions PLEEEEEEZE!!!!!!

Noel's response

The most helpful books I know of to answer your question are Jed Diamond's books The Irritable Male Syndrome and Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship from the Irritable Male Syndrome. He addresses this problem far more completely than I can.

Comments for my method for handling his anger

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Jan 04, 2012
changing the game
by: insecure

Well ladies... I took my own advice and tried to play the game... I found out things...I found out I was lied to repeatedly.. he has no idea that I know.. but suddenly, however I did it, he started to open up about her... but would throw her boyfriend in the mix to cover it up.. so I kept listening... then recently, she started giving him lame excuses and lies.. and so did her boyfriend as to why they weren't talking to him.. this made him super angry.. he even welled up in tears... his heart was broken! .(YES!) .. I thought to myself FINALLY! ... good! Now YOU. Know.. and he's been talking to me the passed few days about how he is done with "them" and "their" bullshit.. :0) .. fingers crossed! I have broken the statistic of saying you can't make them see the light.. I have.. it's still a fragile situation n don't know if we are completely good again, but as of today, my gut feeling is a positive one.. I'll report back in about a week or so.. he turns 50 in 3 weeks so we shall see.. keep the faith ladies... it does end! Xo

Jan 04, 2012
his depression! Ughhh help!
by: Anonymous

OMG I can't believe what I'm reading. how do I handle his anger that get's provoked by anything I do and don't do. He creates conflict to justify his anger. I have been dealing with anger and mood swings and midlife crisis for almost a year now.I am miserable for the way he treats me, very irritable I walk on egg shells trying to avoid a conversation because he instigates it what I say and don't say, he says my silent says more. my husband had an affair with a bi-racial female that was 10 yrs. younger.he claimed they were only friends for months I had to deal with his behavior,erratic constantly anger easily. I got tired of mood swings and his unfaithfulness,when he says he back mentally,he's not fully. I sought companionship with another man who will not anger easily and talk to me. he found out about it and blames me totally for the the failure of our relationship he says that I should be reminded of my sins everyday of my life, as a cheater. he plans on leaving me because I don't give him what he want's in our relationship I have tried so much to make him happy but he finds default everything I do. my emails and my cell phone are a open book, but questions everything I do and don't do. I got involved with this man emotionally, sexting did happen but no sexual or physical contact ever happened.this just made things worse, his behavior and accusing me of cheating on him on a daily basis because he goes everything I have, questions it as being deceptive, trying to start another affair, I have hard time dealing with ANGER! I just sometimes take it and try not to fight with him avoid it when I can. I really don't know how we are going to make it. me and my kids they suffer so much 2! I don't think there is a method he just need some professional help but won't take it because he doesn't a problem. what a piece of work he is!

Dec 19, 2011
Dear insecure;
by: Lonely and hurt

You are not alone, your story sounds just like mine only my husband is just sleeping with hookers. He also left me to walk home 10 miles away from our house in the middle of the night.
I go to bed crying and wake up crying, he has moved out of our bedroom and into the spare room. He says that I can cry all I want, he just doesn't care anymore.
We have been together for 10 years and he seems to be throwing everything away.
Sometimes he doesn't even come home at night.

Dec 19, 2011
to add...
by: insecure

...thanks Noel.. because to add to all of this, i'm having to put on a front of being happy and ok when deep inside my heart is just in pieces.. i wake up every morning crying, and go to bed every night crying.. i just try to express my feelings and i'm apparently "trying to ruin our marriage" .. a man who once was highly concerned with how i was feeling, and would do anything to comfort me, who would show tons of affection, is now gone.. my feelings are a NAG or a bother...his new-found friendship with this girl are all he is ever concerned with...and forget any apology for making me walk home at night in the cold...i deserved it. This is not my husband.. yet he obviously doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. so there is no discussion about it. I guess the books are the way to go. Thanks again.

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