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My once loving husband has turned into a monster

by Anna

My husband of 23 years left me 5 weeks ago after I found out he was having an online affair with a woman he met playing online games.. This woman lives over 400 miles away He said she knew he was happily married with 2 sons when they first started chatting 10 months ago, then foolishly (he said) he gave her his mobile phone and they chatted more frequently and he became fond of her. She is 54 (8 years older than him) is nothing to look at and looks old (his words) Four weeks before I discovered the affair he met her, she stayed in the hotel opposite our house and when myself and his children left for work and school they spent the day together. She then left her partner of 30 years, (she has no children) and he told me he no longer loved me and that he was fond of me and that if we ever split up he would give me the house. This is when I became suspicious because he has always been a loving husband and dad.

Since he has left I have checked his mobile phone calls and he is in touch with her constantly. I also checked his back record of calls and from Nov til he left me he rang and texted her over 30 times every single day, even in the presence of our children and even when he was with me. He is not contributing to the mortgage or giving money for our children. He arranges to see our sons once a week then lets them down, the last time he let them down he sent them a nasty text saying he had no money so he couldn't see them and that they never bothered to text him so he was going to a friends house, when really he had gone to spend time with her for a week, (his mother told me)He wont see me to talk to and ignores my texts. this week I am going to see a solicitor to arrange a separation. I just can't believe how cruel and deceptive he has been. This is not the man I lived with and I am finding it so hard to come to terms with. Will he regret this? I have no intention of taking him back.

Noel's response
Given the circumstances, it sounds as though you are taking appropriate action. As to whether he will regret it... it seems logical that he would at some point, but who knows? Maybe he will, and maybe he won't.

Comments for My once loving husband has turned into a monster

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Nov 18, 2017
I am in a similar situation and traumatized
by: Anonymous

I am very sorry to hear what has happened to you.
I am in a similar situation. My husband of 3 years has been cheating on me and I found out about it when I discovered some emails that were to this women who he has been chatting with for years and have seen many times. I discovered that he never stopped seeing his ex girlfriend even after we got married and she didn't know he got married.
I confronted him about it and he became very angry and started to be abusive. He pushed me and punched me and told me not to contact his girlfriend. But his girlfriend was also shocked he is married and she kept in touch with me. My husband continued to be violent with me and choked me with his own t shirt and pressed a pillow on my face and I couldn't breath for a few seconds! He turned into a violent monster and I am traumatized. I still love him. What can I do?

Noel's response: I think you need to take action to protect yourself (leave home, go to a shelter, or whatever is necessary), and get some counselling to help you establish some boundaries. No one should have to put up with being abused in the manner you describe. If he does do it again I believe you should charge him with assault.

Feb 28, 2017
I'm sorry about your spouse
by: Anonymous

Mine has behaved similarly. Started in stores, he would gawk at women ...Double take. Such disrespect. That went to inconsistent stories about working late, to silent treatments, to staying out all night or coming in at 5 am.Only here still due to lack of money. I dream of winning the lottery and leaving him. He's a sick narcissistic. The best to you and your kids.

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