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not sure if my husband wants a divorce or is it mid life crisis

i am in a situation right now with my husband,and i am not sure if it mid life crisis.

He is 49 years old and we have been together for 32 years married 24 years.

In the past 2 years he was laid off of his job and decided to change the type of job he does. the job that he does he works 14 to 16 hour days 6 days a week and sometimes he stays at his work place do to he says he is tired to drive and he needs to be there early that it is not worth the drive.

he has always been a person that doesn't communicate and express his feelings. he has just told me that he needs his space that he doesn't want to have to call to say he is staying over a work he just wants to do it. he said he doesn't know why he is thinking this he said for a long time he has been feeling this.

he would come home do his things and then just go to bed. never saying hello or goodbye. we have two kids. i am always asking him if there is someone else in his life and that why he is feeling this he says no there isn't.

i don't know what to do if i should give him his space i feel very sad and unwanted and think that he is being so unfair. he also says he is depressed and not liking his life that he needs to be alone. i love him and i am afraid that if i give him the space he won't come back.


Noel's response

He does sound as though he is in a midlife transition, where he is not sure what he wants to do with his life, and wants time to sort it out.

His working hours are ridiculous as well. When I was much younger I worked long hours for days at a time, and eventually got so I didn't care about my work or my life very much. If he can find work with more reasonable hours he will be much better off.

If you give him the space, and he sorts things through, he may actually come back and be with you in ways he is not now. From what you describe, your relationship is quite unsatisfying for both of you at the moment. When he is home, he is not really 'with' you anyway.

If he is willing, I would recommend he see his doctor for a thorough medical, and perhaps talk about feeling depressed, so his doctor might put him on an antidepressant.

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