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separated for 5 months fate of marriage unknown

by chris

my husband and i have been together for 10 years and he walked out on me very unexpectedly. i came home 1 day he sat there showed me his p.o. box key and apartment key and said he was leaving. i was devasted and still am. he is 51 and i'm 50. he's been in sobriety for 7 years. he won't have anything to do with me. but says he wants me doesn't want a divorce. he isn't working on the marriage at all. makes every excuse to stall couple therapy. he recently went camping with new friends that are 20 years younger then him, has gone to bonfires, 4-wheeling and etc. it's like he's reliving his youth. he continues to call and text me i have got to the point where i won't take his calls. i told him recently that he either makes an effort to work on the marriage or its over. I'm tired of being in limbo, being dangled on a string and allowing him to treat me this way. I'm in therapy and Alalon which has helped.

is he in midlife crisis?
he's latest excuse to not work on marriage is he's not ready.

thank for any input.

Noel's response

It sounds as though he is in a midlife transition. Doing all the things with younger people, etc. looks like an attempt to relive his youth, which is a common thing in midlife transitions, but in the end is not helpful.

You are taking the action I would have recommended. Carry on with your life as best you can. His transition will end at some point, but you may have totally moved on when it does.

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