Six months and counting...
It has been six months since I learned of my husband's EA with a much younger coworker. I didn't realize there was such a disconnect between us as I was working, going to school and interning. When I graduated, I landed a job that was quite a distance from home. He worked odd shifts and with our schedules combined with my commute, there were times when we didn't see each other for 2-3 days. Sometimes we spoke on the phone. Sometimes not.
My red flag came about when I began to feel oddly attracted to a coworker. I checked myself often, like why is this happening? And there were times when I was not very friendly to this coworker but that's because I didn't want anything to happen between us. I was able to identify that I felt like I didn't have love and support.
Sometime later, I found out that my husband had an EA with a coworker. He was supportive of her and even bought her what I feel was an expensive gift. Over time, the details came out. He was not intimate with her but he did some things that he should not have done. I was crushed. He maintained from early on that he was not interested in her sexually - well that he wasn't looking to sleep with her. He was strangely attracted. And she became his motivation to go to work at a place that he really didn't like. We had a lot of fights, a lot of
late nights and early morning fighting and crying, a lot of ugly things. I thought it would never get better. I considered divorce several times.
One day I decided to ask him, when things were improving and more calm, why he did the things that he did and his reply was that he felt young hanging around with her. That was probably the first time I ever understood his MLC. He has had issues, though I did not know how serious, with the passing of a slightly older cousin and his own approaching 50.
Six months later I reflect on this much differently than when it first came to light. Things are better. We have both changed jobs and shifts. We have had some things happen within our family that were challenging, and could have split us up, but we refused to allow that to happen.
I have moments, but they are fewer and further between, when I wonder how truthful he is about wanting to be with me for the rest of his life. I used to sing "You're the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me" to him but during this MLC shakeup, couldn't even bear to hear it on the radio. I am ready to start singing it again.
For now, I feel like the MLC had to happen to shake things up and make us both see what we have and appreciate each other. I really do.
I just wanted to share my progress. Thank you for listening to me.