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The MLC spouse

by Ceri
(South Africa)

I have jsut read a few of the stories from women whose men have dropped the "midlife crisis" bomb on them. I could tell my story but it is almost an exact repetition of everyone elses."married 24 years, I dont love you, I just need to be happy , everything is your fault, affair, turned his back on his family" blah blah blah ...... Until it happens to you , you dont realise how common it it is. What I can tell fellow women and spouses of MLC men,is how I handled it in the hope that it helps someone going through the horror that I went through. After bomb drop day,I gave my ex 1 month to pull himself right, leave the girlfriend and return home. When he continued to behave like a teenager and continued to flaunt his new girlfriend all over town, I filed for a divorce. Exactly 4 months after he walked out i was granted a divorce. That was two years ago. Since then I have moved into my own small house in a secure complex with a small but lovely garden. i have surrounded myself with friends and family and developed new interests and, at the ripe age of 50, have even started dating again. I feel healthy, free and in charge of my own life. It is very scary but it gets easier as you tackle and win every battle and challenge you are faced with. I am so proud of myself. My advice to anyone going through this is not to argue, plead or engage in shouting matches with your partner. It sends them in the opposite direction and in their minds affirms that you are the problem and that they were right to leave. Rather, build a new life and routine immediately. Surround yourself with hobbies, activities, family ,friends and work. Keep yourself busy as much as possible and do not hide away. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I was amazed at the support I got from people who were more his friends than mine. You will go through every emotion from self pity to anger and even venomous hatred.It does settle and a new you emerges. One day you will wake up and he won't be the first thing that pops into your head.

The inevitable happened and my ex's life started to unravel. He realized that I was not the problem and his solutions were not working out. When this happens and they want to be allowed back into your life, you need to make sure you do what is right for you. If you like your new life and are happy then continue with it. If you feel you want to give your marriage a chance then lay down new rules with your terms and conditions. What ever you decide to do, it must be what you want . For me the hurt and destruction caused was too much to forgive and I am enjoying my new life and energy too much to return. You never know whats around the next corner. Its a tough thing to deal with but I promise you that you can. I did.Good luck.

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by: Noel

I couldn't have said it better myself.

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