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What am I?

The question

I have been married for 32 years. My husband is 55 yrs old. My husband found an old girlfriend from his younger years. The woman is older then me by 2 years. This affair has been going on for 4 years. He has recently moved out with her for about 6 months.

For the first 2 months he was very rude to me. Now he comes by once a week, he calls me every day when he gets off of work. He states he loves me but also loves the other woman and he does not want to be married.

He states he can come and go as he pleases at her place of residence. We have 3 grown children ages 22, 22 and 19, and he really does not have anything to do with them. He does not want to have any pressure added to him.

I love my husband, but each time we get together I start crying for the hurt and the pain he has caused me. He has asked me on several occasions to forgive him. I have asked him to come home, but each time he tells me no, that he is not ready.

I live in the house with my son who does not really talk to me. I call my husband at least once a day, he states I do not give him a chance to miss me because I always call. He states he has moved on. What is it with me, am I unable to see the big picture?

Noel's response

It sounds to me as though you are very 'enmeshed' with your husband, and can't see your life in anything but your relationship to him. I suggest some counselling in order to see yourself as your own woman, and to discover what you want in your life with or without him, then to begin living that life.

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