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what do i do i'm confused

by kay
(toronto ont canada)

my husband was talking to his ex on the computer for a couple of months and it was very hot and heavy stuff they talk about in sexual ways to each other she now is telling him that her daughter might be his and his whole family is telling him she looks like him so he is thinking she is so he took a DNA test to see if she is and that's when he started to distance him self from me hiding things lying to me about their relationship then I find out hes been with her even before the separation and during now he's doing things for her that he couldn't do for me in 11 yrs i'm lost confused and he's doing things with her daughter even though she might not be his and not doing much with the two kids he has with me he moved out told me that our marriage is not salvageable and he has lost his love for me over a dream i had a year ago but then tells the boys to wait two days to tell me he still loves me. When he comes to pick up the boys he stays to talk and acts like everything is ok i know he's with her but he tells everyone there just friends and shes helping him get settled and buying him things and that he doesn't want any girl and he don't want to take things from the boys so he don't want to come to me for things. I just want to know what to do he said to me he needs to find himself then he's still blaming me for everything that went wrong in the marriage like being lazy not cleaning the house not doing dishes not having a job etc. And hes not to blame for any of it I know I have to blame for some of it but its hard when you broke your foot and he didn't care to help u when needed i'm sick with lots of medical issues i'm trying to get help for it just seems like i'm doing everything while he cares for him self and not me or the kids. my family is trying to be there for me but there's only so much they can do i just want to know what can i do to get my husband back to the loving and caring father and husband he use to be and leave her and come back home.

Noel's response

I can't tell you how to get your husband back. I suggest you go ahead with your life as best you can without him. He may 'find himself' and come back, or he may not.
If he is not giving you financial support, you need to talk to him about that, and if he is not willing to pay a reasonable amount, get legal help to make him pay.

Comments for what do i do i'm confused

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Jan 17, 2012
Reply to Waht do I do I'm confused
by: NWF

Just leave him alone for awhile. Begging, pleading, manipulating will not work, nothing will right now. Try to be happy around him--even if your not happy. He will wonder why you are happy and he is not. Don't help him and don't make any decisions for him. This is not your fault, it is his poor decision on his own. Get your money from any combined accounts and get a separation agreement or he will not help financially--this will get worse over time also. He may be willing to help now but that will stop. Get a parenting agreement for the children as well. Do not believe most of what he says because he will llie to you even if he never did before. He feels that he has accommodated everyone else for a long time and now it is his time to help himself--and yes, he will become extremely selfish. That is what a MLC is all about.

Go to There is plenty of very real info there for you to read about.

Find a good friend to hold onto, a religious friend helps and hold onto your hat--it gets much worse before it gets better.

Hugs for you!

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